a 12 string guitar

My strings are wound too tight.  Everything inside me is twisted too thin.  My high E's, an A, a D and B and both G's have already snapped...the others are on the verge of following suit.  If this keeps up I won't have anything left to make pretty music with.  I will be a dead, empty 12 string-less guitar with a mess of out-of-control and wildly curly steel everywhere.

I will be the aftermath and results of a crazed rock star.

For too many days and weeks (months?) I have been home only long enough to unlock my door, tiredly move myself to the bathroom in the dark, turn on the light, hypnotizedly wash my face, leave the bathroom, turn off the light, non-coherently stumble through the darkness while removing shoes, socks, etc. and then drop into bed.  Drop.  And then not be able to fall asleep for at least an hour or so.  When I wake I have just enough time to find something to wear before needing to head out the door.  These days this often includes a hat to make up for being too tired to fix my hair properly.  Sometimes I do take a few minutes to post at the end of the day.  Obviously.

My clothes from the day before lay strewn across the other side of the bed, on the towel stand in the bathroom, or on the floor of any room.  Just pick one.  And since I don't have time to clean them up in the morning, my closet is turning inside out.  My guts are turning inside out.  I am going to scream.  But really I just want to sleep.  And have one, just one evening or weekend to be.  My friend has fairly new triplets.  I bet many days she wants to scream louder than me, I'm just guessing.

So tonight I want to crawl into my soft bed and hold a little plush pillow close to me...and I want someone to crawl into my bed and hold me close to them...and tell me it will all be alright.  That I'll be alright.  Someday it will be all right.

And if I cry, they'll just hold me tighter.