Monday Monday Monday

I am feeling very unsettled and a bit frustrated this morning - not an enjoyable way to start off a day or a week.  And my frustrations stem from no one or no where else except myself. 

Frustration #1:  I had a great class last semester at BYU - 15 students.  And as I have just finished grading their finals - I am quite impressed with the results of every single person.  That makes me feel positive about how and what I did with the class time for the past 4 months - but I did pretty horrible in others areas - mostly the administrative area (like grades and stuff like that).  I fell behind far too often on these matters and it's not very becoming of a college adjunct professor.  That frustrates me.

I start with a new class, as in a different subject - a week from tomorrow, with twice as many students.  Huh.  I have a chance to do better administratively, but at the same time - I am having to learn a whole new syllabus, curriculum, assignments, how to fill 2.5 hours of class time, etc - which is what sucked up all my time last semester, hence the administrative side suffered.  Sigh.  

Frustration #2:  I recently reconnected with a dear friend - one of the most important friendships that I have had to date.  The kindred connection that once tied us closely seemed like it has dissipated into a somewhat formal friendship.  I pretend like I don't care, but it does hurt.

Frustration #3:  I have trouble waking in the mornings.  I hate staying in bed too late.  But mornings are so hard for me and have been for a while.  There's no one to rouse me or tell me how ridiculous it is that I am still in bed, so I stay there all tired-like.  That is super frustrating.  I really can get out of bed in the mornings just fine, even quite early - I just need a little help.

Frustration #4:  I am still feeling bleck from being sick over the weekend.

Frustration #5:  I could go on, but I won't.  It's probably healthy to release some frustrations - but not make everything that is bothering you at the moment into a frustration - then it all just escalates and I really don't need to live with a magnifying glass under my nose.  I just need a dose of some good fight in me.  Not so that I can beat stuff up - but just so I can keep going - like Kate Bush told me this morning - I know you have a little life in you yet, I know you have a lot of strength left.  Oh - I need some of that. 


Although - I wouldn't mind a deep hot pink punching bag and some gloves to match.