GDAE

Today I accompanied the ward choir with my violin - I hope nobody lost their faith because of it.

I started playing violin when I was 8. After a year I quit (the whole "I don't like my teacher" excuse) - then started again when I was 12 and played very consistently until I was 20. I was very good at one point, and could get through Orange Blossom Special fantastically. Then the banjo stole my attention and now I play violin rather sporadically, and might I say, pathetically.

I am quite self-conscious about playing in front of people, violin or otherwise. These days I play for myself because I my ears are forgiving of all those off-key tunes I fiddle around with, but I fear for the ears of those other than mine...so I keep it quite personal.

I have never been a soloist. I prefer to play with a group - that way I can disappear into the mass dressed in concert black. Black.

I do play with my sister - Tuesday Thursday is the name of our group. But I accompany, accompany - with violin, voice, guitar, banjo...just whatever. I provide basic, simple back-up and I enjoy it. Very low profile.

So today when I played with the choir and forgot to put my mute on until the second verse, and forgot to take my shoes off until the third verse (I don't like appearing so tall up on the stand) and was a note behind for a few measures on the fourth verse, and was the only one who forgot to hold a certain note long enough - I just shrugged it off, and moved on.

Embarrassment - another post in and of itself.

The end

of another week. To start off my Friday evening, it was a dead car and a dead phone. I hope that "dead" pattern doesn't continue .....although I wouldn't be surprised.

I drive up to my parents house, only to find my neighbor out on his front lawn, with a couch, chairs, and blankets laid out in front of a bookcase of books, an end table....and his piano-sized keyboard.

He is playing.

It's like he moved the front room of his house into his front yard, on this very fine June evening. So when I come in the house, and find it empty, I seek beauty and company in the sound of a live piano sweetly and wonderfully coming through the door I leave ajar. (LOVE live piano)

I open a window, rest my head against my crossed arms that are lying on the window sill and close my eyes. It's almost surreal and I love it. A perfect way to end a busy, stressful week.

:)

************************************************************************************

A while later my sister Bethany did show up to the house - and shortly we were crossing the lawn with delight.

I, situated comfortably on the neighbors couch, enjoying light conversation with the lady as the man played on...Bethany, browsed through the many books, enchanted by titles and print dates.

I love summer evenings mixed with neighborhood camaraderie.

another early morning.

4:41 am

oh wow - i thought for sure that i would sleep soundly through the night, seeing how last night was quite restless, and yesterday a full day of work.

nope.

darn.

i just read through a list of physical and emotional symptoms for anxiety and i think i rank rather high on the yes-you-have-anxiety-and-need-to-chill-out list.

breath.

how?

work, among some other things are weighing heavily on my heart and mind - and my big toe hurts. ha.

now the debate is, do i try to fall back asleep? or just stay awake and read or something like that. if i stay awake then i'll just think and think and think, which will lead to stress, and anxiety, and question, and doubt. no bueno. but if i try to sleep, i think the results will be the same.

stuck.

well, now that i am rambling on - and possibly in unclear thought - i'll sign out. maybe i'll go sit in my car....i need to charge my phone and left my wall charger at home.

dur.

I wish...

Make a wish.

If I was to make a wish on a dandelion, I would wish for a world where children, youth, and adults weren't bombarded by media/thought/ideas that skews the reality of what is right and what is wrong.

If I was to make a wish on a birthday candle, I would wish for hope to those that are with out.

If I was to make a wish on a falling star, I would wish that each individual could realize who they really are and their full potential, and then live a life to reflect that...myself included.

4:29

AM.

A lovely time for a post.

Can't sleep.

Anxious or anxiety?

Both.

Listening to "The Drive Home".

James Horner, Field of Dreams.

According to my iTunes playcount,

I have listened to this particular piece

488 going on 489 times.

At least.

That's a lot of times.

DC 123:17

Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed

This was the scripture that got me through this past week.


And for the record, no - I wasn't in a bar Friday night - I was at a pizza place - Willie Nilly's or something - and I was seated at the counter, on a barstool. :)

A Friday Evening

"Can I buy you a drink?"

I looked over at the man seated a few barstools down.

"My water will do just fine, thanks."

Giving me a quizzical glance, he asked, "Do I know you from somewhere? You seem familiar."

"Um..."

Swinging my legs, I shrugged my shoulders.

................

"Do you date hockey players?"

Laughing, "No, never dated a hockey player. You play hockey?"

"NHL. Used to, anyway."

"Which team?"

"Toronto."

"Ah. Position?"

"Defense."

"I have only been to one hockey game. Are you from Park City?"

"All my adult life," He said as a smile graced his face.

10 minutes of small talk.

A lady walks in and sits down on the barstool in between the man and myself.

"This is my wife"

"Pleased to meet you."

More small talk about life and work and whatnot.

"Sir," the lady behind the counter said, "Your pizza is ready."

The man and his wife took their boxed pizza to go.

"Well," said the man turning towards me, "Now I know you from somewhere. Have a great weekend."

"Likewise. It was nice to meet you."

Happy Father's Day

I'll edit this soon - and actually write something! But for now,

My Mom's post on her blog has a GREAT picture of my dad.

Well, it's bragging time. My dad is simply wonderful and I feel extremely fortunate to have such a great father-daughter/friend relationship with him.

Ever since I was little my dad played a very active role in my life - and in the life of my siblings. He has always had a very busy schedule with work and time-demanding church callings, but always managed to fit us kids in, and more. When he was home, he was home. He loved spending time with us, and still does to this day.

A few things about my dad

- he has participated in 2 triathlons within the past four years - and performed well.
- he has a number of books/writings published: poetry, novels, short stories...
- when he was in high school he played basketball, baseball, and tennis. My aunt said all of her friends thought he looked great in those short basketball shorts.
- also when he was in high school he modeled for the local newspaper and when I get a copy of the pictures I'll post them. They are pretty sweet.
- he is the oldest of four.
- he served a mission to Brasil. (wahoo!)
- he has been to 50 something countries, due to work responsibilities.
- he lost his father at age 12.
- he loves Mantua, Utah. When we go canoing out on the lake he makes us stop rowing for a while so we can listen to the beauty of serene silence.
- he used to wear purple and pink shirts to teach Seminary.
- he loves peanut butter with radishes.
- and recently, putting peanut butter on a hamburger.
- he's great with a hula-hoop.
- "Fat chance" was a common phrase growing up.
- Sometimes (but it is a rare occasion) he laughs so hard that he cries, and has to leave the room to gain composure.
- horseshoes (the game) reminds me of him.
- he has done the family grocery shopping for the past 16 years or so.
- he loves the gospel and it shows.
- he is a gifted and an amazing teacher in the classroom.
- but probably his most amazing teaching comes through his example.
- he loves classical music, and it wasn't uncommon to do Saturday yard work to the sounds of a symphony.
- he's good on the piano.
- in college he had a toga that he would wear and pretend to speak in a foreign language.
- watching him work in the garden is a favorite memory.
- once when he wanted a hat, he saved his lunch money until he had saved enough to buy one.
- he is one of the most selfless people that I have ever known and is happy with the simple things in life.
- family and the gospel matters most.
- he loves juice.
- he can get very excited when it comes to BYU football.
- Boston cream pie is his favorite dessert.
- I would dare say that burnt-almond fudge is his favorite shake flavor.
- he gives insightful counsel and advice.
- he is a great listener.
- he does not like cilantro.
- he has great chalkboard handwriting, especially his "e's"
- currently he is the assistant to the head of CES.
- this year he was released as Stake President and was called to teach institute with my mom - they make a killer team when it comes to teaching, and I have been amazed by their lessons. If you want to go - just let me know.
- he likes black licorice.
- I love to hear him laugh.

Happy Father's Day Dad!

I Love You.

Looking over the fence

We were looking over the fence into the neighbors backyard, my client, her neighbor and I.

"So what would you suggest for along my back fence line?"

"Well," I said, "to screen your neighbors view on to your deck you could use some type of maple. That would get you plenty of thick foliage. See that tree over there? That's a maple and would get you what you need. Or you could use a flowering pear. They stay pretty columnar, which is what you need, but they are not as dense as a maple. But there are columnar maples. You could use three - probably. You should consider what color of fall foliage you value most. Now - your house and your fence are not parallel. So do you want to follow the line of the fence, or follow the line of the house? ...or...you could group the trees into a triangle position and not worry about the orientation of the house in relation to the fence line. It really depends on what look you are going for. And maybe you really only need one tree. You really should spend some time out on your deck to help make this decision. Then you could see exactly where to position the tree or trees."

I looked over at the neighbor, then back at his fence line in curiosity. "Hmmm."

A blank stare.

"How does your husband manage to deal with you?"

"I don't have a husband."

"Ahh," The neighbor said, nodding his head as if he had just come to some great conclusion.

[by the end of the evening we were good friends, and he even wanted to set me up with his step-sons best friend. He said if he had a son available, he would love to have me as his daughter. Hmmm, I think maybe he was looking for free yard advice to last a life-time.]

Moses 3:1-3

"Thus the heaven and the earth were finished, and all the host of them. And on the seventh day I, God, ended my work, and all things which I had made; and I rested on the seventh day from all my work, and all things which I had made were finished, and I, God, saw that they were good; and I, God, blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it; because that in it I had rested from all my work which I, God, had created and made."

The older and busier I get, the more I am grateful for the Sabbath Day. CHeeRS!

To Die For Love Part II

"Love conquers all" - a phrase we sometimes hear. Sometimes we may think that if we just love someone enough (as in a marital relationship) - that the major differences (life goals for example) will somehow magically work themselves out and happiness will abound regardless. "But I love him!"

If long-term goals aren't the same between a couple - then I don't see how a happy long-term relationship could maintain itself for very long.
However, I do believe that there is a love that can conquer all. It is love in it's purest and truest form. I am speaking of the love of Christ - even charity.

The life of Christ is a perfect example of charity and how to live for another. He lived for us and died for us. (I know the idea of dying for love contrasts yesterday's post, but I am assuming you see the difference in the given situations). It was by the love of Christ that conquered even death, and because he did - we all shall conquer death and live again. And if we follow him as he has asked, then we shall not only gain salvation, but exaltation, which is the greatest of all the gifts of God.

When we include God and Christ and their love for us and our love for them, into the heart of our relationships - marital or otherwise, I do believe we can conquer all. I know many of you are familiar with the triangle lesson - that when a couple has God in their relationship - and when He is at the head of it - then that relationship will be blessed, and as they both grow closer to God - they naturally grow closer together.

And that love between man and woman, between parent and child, can last forever - for real, forever. Forever and ever is not just a nice phrase, but a true phrase, when, by the power and authority of God, that relationship has been sealed, so that it may last into the eternities, and be multiplied a million times over.

:)

To die for love - I and II....how's that for a very single girl. Ha.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends

John 15:13

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life

John 3:16

If ye love me, keep my commandments

John 14:15

To Die For Love

“To die for love, what could be more glorious than that?”

So says Marianne, from Sense and Sensibility.

Books, movies, other media...the sacrifice of one's life for one's only beloved is portrayed as the ultimate decree of true love. “To die for love...”

Hmmm. I think that many times we are caught up in an unrealistic, romanticized view of what love is, or what love should be. Note, I say “we,” putting myself at the top of that list. I myself am a romantic and have imagined a million and one daydreams about a true love – although I must say, I have never imagined the death factor into the equation (near death, of course). Gosh – I would rather live with my love than to have I or he die because of it. That would be a bummer. Which brings me to my next point.

Maybe we have got it a bit backwards.

Romeo and Juliet is good and all, but, I think that it would be more glorious to live for love, than to die for love. Rather than to sacrifice one's body to the point of death, we should sacrifice our bodies to the point of selfless giving. A day-in and day-out kind of love. The kind of love that keeps you together even though you may disagree, or disappoint one another. The kind of love that allows for mistakes and forgiveness. The kind of love that sees you through the difficult times – and pulls you closer to one another because of the experiences that you have passed through together.

I think that is the real glory and passion of love – yes – to sacrifice for love is glorious...as long as one is still around to enjoy the rainbow after the rain.

:)

A Silent Meal

This evening I ate dinner with the Collins family, underneath a maple tree. They certainly weren't much in the mood to converse, which was a good thing since I wasn't much in the mood for talking anyway.

In fact, it was quite silent...dead silent.

And even amid the quiet evening, they really were wonderful dinner companions - very contemplative and down to earth.

These days I seem to feel more comfortable in the presence of the dead, than the living.

I think I will be spending more dinners with the Collins family.

a thought

I very much enjoyed this thought - I love how my mom lives and views life...