the golden hour

Who doesn't just absolutely LOVE this time of day? It's 5:03 on Februay 11th and we are into the closing hour of daylight. This time of day makes me smile inside and out as I reach my nose towards the sun and breath in. It's a lyrical time of day for me and I feel bad for anyone who has to spend it shut in somewhere without a window - tragic! (I once had a job doing custodial work on the BYU campus. I thought it would be a good way to earn some extra cash during the summer months and my hours were from 6pm to 10pm. I lasted one...maybe two, days. I just couldn't take it! It wasn't the actual job itself - however dull and redundant; but it was the fact that I would have missed an entire summers-worth of sunsets and glory!)

Items that most definitely compliment the golden hour are as follows:

Porch swings - porch swings add life to living. They are a must and the fading rays of the day can be best absorbed while seated in a bench that beckons us to slow down and appreciate the simplicities of life. (or a comfy couch just inside a window facing west).

Cranberry-apple-rasberry blend by Minute-Maid - I once wrote a persuasive paper on this magnificent liquid - it was a great paper. Most juices, but especially this one, can only be fully experienced and enjoyed out of a clear glass. It simply tastes better. So while one sits on the porch swing, thoughts in full-sway, the last rays of the day pierce through the glass, making this divine beverage dance and sparkle with delight. Sometimes I think I even hear laughter.

Dandelions - dandelions are great, either in their yellow state or their white-wispy state. While yellow, weave a crown of gold to wear...princess of the sunset you'll be. While white and delicate - make a wish and blow...and then watch the individual seeds glow like pockets of sunbeams as they wander away in the soft breeze; choreographed art.

A friend - so now I am situated on the porch swing with a glass of chilled cranberry-apple-raspberry blend in hand (ice or no ice - take your pick), and a crown of gold resting upon my brow. But how beautiful really is a sunset if one must enjoy it alone? One must not forget to share this moment with a good friend, and good conversation. Take away my porch swing, my glass of liquid divine, and even my gold, but don't take away my friend. For that is really what makes a sunset so magical.

BFF

I just woke up from a delicious nap. Actually, I might need to exchange 'delicious' for 'glutenous,' - it was 4 hours long. Late afternoon is my favorite nap time. Although, usually there is no time during this time to even consider a nap, and I am usually one who does not nap on Sunday's! I guess I lived the exception today. It must have been a combination of a sore throat, a stressed-out week, and my diet, that has played into my body needing these extra hours of rest.....(notice I use the verb need instead of want, hee). And now I think I shall retire early...maybe after this blog has been composed and published. I just am feeling flung out over the universe, and sleep is what gathers me in all together. But tomorrow is the 11th, a good day wouldn't you say? A good day for the stars and planets to align and for me to arise at 6:29 and keep to my schedule. I feel change coming on, I need change. I'll start by rearranging everything in my apartment, each room will function differently now. And then when the funds allow, I'll go with a haircut, maybe just the bangs - as I have been threatening for so long. Then what's next? I'll start my book.

Today was a beautiful day in all aspects. It started early and by 8:30am I was in my seat for a meeting that was to start at 10:00am. My dad was being released from his calling in the church as stake president, and we - my mom and all eleven kids and their respective spouses and kids were all in attendance, and practically sitting together, and on the soft benches even! The meeting was absolutely wonderful. The words that were spoken were inspirational and many will stay with me for a good while, and even more so, will affect me in my life for a good while.

Last Thursday my brother returned home from serving a mission (previous post), and now that he is home, bless his heart, we are all together for the first time in five years, my parents, and all eleven kids with their families. I didn't necessarily feel a void while my brother was gone, I was grateful he was serving and we were blessed for it. But since his return, there has been an abundance of warmth and love that has abounded between us as a family. All of the sudden, I felt a completeness, a wholeness - a feeling I want to keep forever.

Since Thursday we have gone out to dinner together, played games together, sat around and laughed and talked together, all of us - in one place at one time. It's just plain fun! And you know - it's rather marvelous that we all get along as well as we do. Of course, we don't always agree, we all have our opinions, and we are not timid in sharing them. And many times our opinions are different. But we work through them, together. We laugh together, we think together, we mourn together, we pray together, we live and love together. Some might say we are just so lucky to get along so well, as if it just...happens...poof. But there's a lot of work that goes into a family that 'gets along.' We have had our moments, no doubt. We have all done and said things that we regret, at least I do, but we have become better and stronger for it. We have learned how to apologize, and to try to understand one another, and to love one another. It's hard work, but we want it - and so we do it. Our family relationships are centered in the gospel of Jesus Christ, we include the teachings of the Master into our daily living and conversation, and into our hearts. I believe that this, our belief and our testimonies in God and Christ and his Church, is what binds my family together. We are going to be together for a long time - forever even! My family is most dear to me, and I love them inexpressibly. I am glad to be stuck with such a lot for eternity.

Welcome Home!

It's your birthday!

This here is Ben.

Ben is my brother-in-law, and today - is his birthday!

HaPPY BiRTHDaY!

Well, what can I say about Ben? A lot actually. My first memory of Ben is when he was at our house, playing chess against someone. I don't think it was me...or was it? I don't remember if he and my sister were still just dating or if they were engaged by this point, but all I remember feeling was that he was the one who was taking my sister away from me. He was changing everything, and nothing was ever going to be the same again!

And it's a good thing he did. In the best sense, of course.

Ben is simply wonderful and a delight to be around. He is very selfless and is always willing to help me out with whatever; from building a website to helping me with silly computer questions; to making me think harder for the better, and answering random questions like 'who is Leo Tolstoy?' (to which he gave a most thorough explanation).

Whenever I call to chat with my sister - I always enjoy it when Ben picks up the phone. We have a few sentences exchanged - sometimes more - and sometimes I never get around to talking with my sister - Ha.

I like how Ben thinks, how Ben explains things, and how he writes. He's fun to watch movies with, because he sees them differently than most, being in the film industry and all. Style...I like his style.

Ben is a great father - he's very dedicated to his family and this is a most impressive quality. He spends time cooking for the family, reading to the kids, and doing about a million other things that I am sure I am not even aware of.

Cheers to Ben! I LoVe You MuCH and I am super thrilled to have you as a brother.

HaPPY BiRTHDaY!!!

Stephanie is my sister just above me in the sibling line-up, and today - is her birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

We shared rooms twice that I can remember while I was in grade school (separating our sides of the bed with our jeans, and separating our sides of the room with a sheet) and again when we were in college (we didn't need jeans or sheets then - we had grown out of that phase, well we still used them...just that we used them as they were meant to be used!). We are very different, but also, very much the same.

I have always admired Stephanie's strength. She is strong in many ways - physically, spiritually, emotionally...and she is able to share that strength with those around her. She's ambitious, spontaneous (and always tried to get us siblings to be as well), adventurous, thoughtful, open-minded...

One of my favorite memories is when we would go skiing together (I know, you are thinking, but you are NOT a skier...true, but when I did ski those 3 or 4 times, a couple of times it was with her - hee hee) We had a great time on the slopes, but the best part was our conversation. I had been home off a mission for about 4 months and was having a hard time. Being able to talk to someone really helped, and she was there.

Every once in a while I'll receive a card, a thoughtful card just to let me know she's thinking of me, and today was one of those days. On a day where she should be receiving all of the cards, she instead thought of me. And in an effort to cheer me up, she left a great card on the passenger seat as a pleasant surprise.

Three cheers to the birthday girl! I LoVe You!

France for a Morning

This is where I ate breakfast this morning. A lovely French morning. I ordered an omelet, a side of cottage cheese, and a grapefruit. I like to go places, experience and explore the world around me! Even if it is all while residing in Orem, Utah (today that's the best I can do). Nothing beats the real deal, but sometimes, especially these times, when the dollar is doing so poorly against the euro, you have to conjure up a little imagination. It still made for a pleasant morning.

It all started with the accordion, playing 'La Poupée' (I do not know what that means).

Upon waking up, I opened my computer from it's sleepy state, and in an effort to wake me from my sleepy state, it started playing music - just randomly... and accordion at that! I don't have any accordion music! Ha!
My i-tunes store was open, and for some odd, odd reason - it had somehow selected some soundtrack full of French music, and 'La Poupée' is the piece that it choose to play. Now, accordion at 6:3something would normally be considered...possibly...annoying. But I frankly was delighted, and charmed. (I even purchased the song) It took me out of Utah and put me in France, France for a morning.

La vie en rose...

Le Petite Prince Part I

The Little Prince is one of my all-time favorite books,...sigh with a smile. A book that I can read often! I even went through a phase where I bought a number of copies just to give away...the recipients were thankful to receive the books, but after reading it, they said they must have missed something, and were left scratching their heads as to why I was so taken with the story...

It's such a beautiful story, with so many lessons along the way. Where do I start? What passage shall I share? This blog may need to be in two or three parts. Yes. I'll start from near the end and work forward....odd - but

"Dear little man," I said to him, "you are afraid..."
He was afraid, there was no doubt about that. But he laughed lightly.
"I shall be much more afraid this evening..."
Once again I felt myself frozen by the sense of something irreparable. And I knew that I could not bear the thought of never hearing that laughter any more. For me, it was like a spring of fresh water in the desert.
"Little man," I said, "I want to hear you laugh again."
But he said to me:
"Tonight, it will be a year...My star, then, can be found right above the place where I came to the Earth, a year ago..."
"Little man," I said, "tell me that it is only a bad dream - this affair of the snake, and the meeting-place, and the star..."
But he did not answer my plea. He said to me instead:
"The thing that is important is the thing that is not seen..."
"Yes, I know..."
"It is just as it is with the flower. If you love a flower that lives on a star, it is sweet to look at the sky at night. All the stars are a-bloom with flowers..."
"Yes, I know..."
"It is just as it is with the water. Because of the pulley, and the rope, what you gave me to drink was like music. You remember - how good it was."
"Yes, I know..."
"And at night you will look up at the stars. Where I live everything is so small that I cannot show you where my star is to be found. It is better, like that. My star will just be one of the stars, for you. And so you will love to watch all the stars in the heavens... they will all be your friends. And, besides, I am going to make you a present..."

He laughed again.

"Ah, little prince, dear little prince! I love to hear that laughter!"
"That is my present. Just that. It will be as it was when we drank the water..."
"What are you trying to say?"
"All men have the stars," he answered, "but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. For my businessman they were wealth. But all these stars are silent. You-- you alone-- will have the stars as no one else has them--"

"What are you trying to say?"
"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night... you-- only you-- will have stars that can laugh!"

And he laughed again.

"And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure... and your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, 'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!' And they will think you are crazy. It will be a very shabby trick that I shall have played on you..."

And he laughed again.

"It will be as if, in place of the stars, I had given you a great number of little bells that knew how to laugh..."

4:35AM

It is now 4:35am..... and I am - awake. I set a goal last week to start getting out of bed at 6:29, and I know, I know...today I overdid myself! Ha! I am generally a person who must have my 8 hours, case closed. So waking up after only 5 hours (and not all five hours were spent sleeping!) and not feeling the pressing need to crawl back under the covers, is a bit odd.
And I am not sure what to do next (hence I am blogging) I have thought of studying, reading poetry, grocery shopping, working,...I should add cleaning to this list but I won't. I did think of practicing my guitar or banjo, but I don't think the neighbors would appreciate it...

I close my eyes, and think about the day in front of me. (closing my eyes to imagine better than is) What if I could go anywhere and do anything? Today I would tour the far north-west regions of England, to the lake district! Rugged and scenic; rocks, cliffs and rolling hills; open green, so much green. My party would consist of close friends and family, and the days events would revolve around being charmed by nature, laughter, conversation, and flying kites. We would have a picnic of little sandwiches, naturally. And someone, at some point, would say that the maker of the sandwiches really is a gourmet. Who wants to go?

If thou wilt...

If someone was to ask me, 'What comes to mind when you hear the word 'leprosy?'' I would have told them the story of the 10 lepers found in the Bible. Well, that would have been my answer a month ago. But over the past four weeks I have been reading a bit about leprosy. And now if someone was to ask me that same question I would have a different answer. I think of me, and of the world we live in today.

Leprosy is a chronic infectious disease, and mainly affects the skin, the peripheral nerves, mucosa of the upper respiratory tract and the eyes. Early signs can be a darkened area of the skin where feeling is lost, numbness sets in...in a finger - in a toe. If the disease goes untreated it can spread and cause permanent damage. A person afflicted with leprosy can come to the point where they loose all feeling in their hands and feet. This being the case, they can step on a nail, a shard of glass, pick up the wrong end of a knife - and not feel a thing as it cuts into the skin. They could be walking - twist an ankle, and because they do not feel pain they keep walking, causing more damage as they do. They are past the point of feeling.

The Book of Mormon talks of being past feeling, "...ye have heard his voice from time to time; and he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words..."

Sin, like leprosy, is a disease - and the more we choose to ignore our diseases, the more damaging they become and eventually we can come to the point where we do not feel the true effects of sin. And as a leper, we can pick up a knife by the blade and not feel the cut.

But Christ beckons to us, to come unto him and be healed. And he can, and he does. He can heal us to the point to where we are made whole, and every scar and every lesion is but a fleeting memory. Let us allow him to heal us, to take us from the bonds of sin so that we may use our feet, hands, and eyes to serve and follow him.

"And, behold, there came a leper and worshiped him, saying, Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean. And Jesus put forth his hand, and touched him, saying, I will; be thou clean. And immediately his leprosy was cleansed." Matt. 8:2-3

Intermission

Pavane pour une infante defunte. It's what I am listening to right now while I sketch out some quick concepts for a local residence. The piece happens to be on my favorite childhood classical album: Pops in Love, which still remains a favorite. So romantic and definitely an evening album. 11 songs - nice.

Today was a good Saturday. I received a phone call at 7am from my sister. We were going to President Hinckley's funeral services and in order to avoid any potential problems we left at 8:37ish. As we were arriving to the conference center on foot, there seemed to be angelic music coming from the heavens; I looked upward. And it was just that! They had music of the Tabernacle Choir coming from speakers all over Temple Square. They were playing 'Homeward Bound' and I teared. My sister said I should invest in waterproof mascara. So moving it was, so appropriate. I think they should play music over the loud speakers regularly. It would inspire and settle.

I had brought a great book to read, but didn't even get five pages in. We were early enough to get the last bit of rehearsal of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I was moved again. So much that it consumed me and took all my thought. They were practicing passages from "Crossing the Bar," the second number they sang during the services. Funny how a few chords sung vocally can have that much power.

The service itself was literally awe-some. Reverent beauty. A more than great way to spend the first half of a Saturday. And it is strange to think that come April our President Hinckley won't stand at the pulpit that was made from his own black walnut tree.

We arrived back home early afternoon. I ran errands, paid bills(hallelujah), ate lunch and returned home. Being so entirely drained in all aspects from the past week, I easily fell into a deep afternoon sleep, only to be disturbed hours later by my phone that wouldn't quit ringing. My youngest sister needed a ride somewhere...alright.

I was going to end this day by retiring rather early, but decided better to end this day by working, (as was mentioned in the first paragraph). I plan to work until these concepts are complete and out the door. I think I am coming up with some great ideas. :) Good thing.

I have shifted songs now, 'Homeward Bound' will keep me company for a bit. This brief blog intermission has come to a close, back to the drawing board. Cheers!

'Homeward Bound'

In the quiet misty morning
When the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing
And the sky is clear and red.

When the summer’s ceased its gleaming,
When the corn is past its prime,
When adventure’s lost its meaning,
I’ll be homeward bound in time.

Bind me not to the pasture,
Chain me not to the plow.
Set me free to find my calling,
And I’ll return to you somehow.

If you find it’s me your missing,
If you’re hoping I’ll return.
To your thoughts I’ll soon be listening,
And in the road I’ll stop and turn.

Then the wind will set me racing
As my journey nears it's end.
And the path I’ll be retracing
When I’m homeward bound again.

Bind me not to the pasture,
Chain me not to the plow.
Set me free to find my calling,
And I’ll return to you somehow.

In the quiet misty morning
When the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing
I’ll be homeward bound again.