Today I was asked if I am a good designer. I answered in the affirmative, as I was needing to be affirmative in the situation. But the more I think about that question (which I feel will be looming over me for years now), the more I wonder if I really am. I mean, I could be like that girl who thinks she is a great singer, and everyone around her tells her she is a great singer, like her family and friends, but when she tries to go big time and audition for American Idol Simon tells her she's wasting her life if she thinks she will ever be able to make it in the entertainment industry.
That girl could be me! I don't know!
I once read somewhere that successful people do things that other people don't want to do. So today I asked myself, aside from if I am a good designer or not, if I do things that other people don't want to do. Getting up early to study, focusing relentlessly while studying, staying late to solve a situation, going the extra mile...all those little details that nobody likes to do really, but that are necessary to achieve a certain level of excellence. Do I do those?
Not really...
...and that's disappointing to me.
In the design world, you can't be lazy or neglectful, or you get left behind. And maybe you don't get left behind, but you never rise above and become. Great design does not reward the slothful. The design world is all about becoming, breaking through barriers to reach a certain level of understanding. For me, it's not about prestige or being better than all the other designers - it's about expanding your potential and discovering beyond yourself, which lifts those around you, fellow designers included.
Good design makes people happy.
I taught this afternoon. With my train of thought as it was, I asked myself, am I a good teacher? I don't know. I have never been evaluated. I don't know if I am really helping my students understand the material I am supposed to be teaching. I do know I could do a lot more and teach in a much more effective manner.
I don't know
Am I a good friend?
Am I a good person?
I don't know.
Is it going to snow again tonight?
I don't know. I hope not.
The ever pressing questions. But honestly, from what I've seen I think you are a good designer. And I didn't have to say that.
ReplyDeleteIt's been a long day...with four classes, grammar homework, writing emotive papers, two more papers assigned...finishing up with a fictional piece that I read aloud for a presentation about grief...as I walked down the path towards my apartment I was thinking to myself, "Am I a good writer, or is everyone just trying to be nice and I'll never really get much on the page that will go anywhere, or touch anyone?"
ReplyDeleteSigh. I know that feeling. I know those kinds of questions. It's not bad to ask them, but it's also nice to give yourself those affirmative answers which you are worthy of.
I think you're a great designer. So do many other people who know their stuff. And I also hope it doesn't snow tonight.
Hugh Nibley said something like "our society values the person more who gets up at 5am and writes a terrible book than one who gets up at 9am and writes a good book." Which of course is silly.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, be careful of imposing false values on yourself.
You are a terrific designer. I am not just saying that.
I have been asking myself (a lot lately)...am I going to be a good mother? And the questions scares me. I know how you feel. I am glad you wrote this post tonight. It brings some comfort to my own questions. Love ya:)
ReplyDeleteObviously those who have invited you to speak, teach, and present over the past few years think you do very well. (Not to mention your father although you may tend to discount that.)
ReplyDeleteSometimes we have to face the truth even if it's good news!
Yes, yes, and yes. From this non-designer girl you talent is amazing, and you have always been a good person and a good friend. Rest easy.
ReplyDeleteJust a reminder:
ReplyDelete"How am I going to overcome my obstacles? As I drew it - I am going to laugh out loud to feel good about life. I am going to pray for help and look in the mirror and think positive thoughts and say nice things about myself. I am going to love, and be a strong woman. Study and exercise will help too. I figured these items will help me resolve my obstacles which is depicted to the left, and help me get where I want to go, which is depicted directly above."
Like I said - you ARE brilliant. Remember that and also remember what it's like to be a creative personality -