Tuesday morning. 8:57. Perfect spring weather. Liberty park on a bench. Park Cafe for breakfast. Last day of BYU for the year.

Yipee.

This evenings weather is begging for a Bbq on the deck. I wish I could appease...

Japan 2010

the latest from lorienhall.com

My Violin Maker

Last Friday I met the maker of my violin.

Such a neat experience.

The night before I had googled the name that was on the inside label and found that the maker had moved to SLC 5 years ago and lived just down the street!!!  What are the chances of that happening?  So I emailed him and the next day I was in his shop with his/my violin in hand.  He looked over it for a bit, played it a bit, and told me what I could sell it for.  It has been with me for 12 years and is a beautiful in color, tone and richness. 

On that note - if anyone knows of anyone who is looking for an upgrade - send them my way.

Oh - and I may be selling my banjo too - :I getting a price on that soon.

The Fear Of Doing

How much of my life is spent avoiding it?

If the time spent in avoidance, was used to accomplish,
how would my life change?

I thought of these questions this morning as I was doing some reading and thinking and realize that I may spend just as much time avoiding certain tasks and deeds as it would take to do them!  In fact, it may take less time to do it, than to avoid it.

The dishes in the sink need to be washed - I pass by them, acknowledging them, but also avoiding them.  They are not leaving.  The gym waits for me everyday, I want to be there - I want the results being there would bring...but I tell it another day, for now I will just think about being fit.  (Dear Aunt Reb, this was not a comment directed at you or your book! :) )  That idea for a painting comes to me and sits in my brain.  I think about - and think that I am doing something by thinking about it - but really I am avoiding it.  I am avoiding painting it, therefore it's been hanging in my brain for over 7 months.  A bill is due.  I am ignoring the fact that it is due and now I owe a late fee!  I need to call so and so back.  My Client needs a space redesigned - I put it off, put it off, cancel our meeting and put it off....avoidance.

Then there are weightier subjects we may avoid outside of washing dishes, making the bed and painting a canvas or writing a story. 

My relationship with my sister/spouse/friend/father/co-worker has strains tied to it - but I keep avoiding the issues that have created that strain (even if it is mostly my imagination, which still can have an effect...then you have other things to personally deal with), and the relationship is still not getting better, or maybe it is, but it's not what it could be.  I wasn't honest or fair in a situation, and years later it is still haunting me, but maybe in ten more years I'll forget about it.  I have an addiction, and rather than doing something about it - I am just ignoring it, hoping it goes away on it's own.  But it doesn't.  I have bad feelings toward someone who has wronged me.  I harbor feelings of hatred or dislike towards this person and it's affecting my ability to love - I am avoiding forgiving them for what they have done, but I want to be healed.

    

Why?  Why do I avoid?  What do I avoid?

What am I afraid of?  What am I scared of?  Failure?  Discovering that I don't have the answers?  Obtaining a less than perfect result?  Lack of interest?  Scared of being wrong or can't let go of that underlying pride?  There are so many reasons why we don't set out to do what we really want to do.  But why are we afraid of what it takes to become what we want to become?  If after all, that is indeed what we want?  Maybe you don't have this conundrum, as I do.  

What's ironic is that the one thing we avoid is the one thing we need to get what we want: Doing.  Doing is the only way to have success.  It's the only way to obtain the answers.  It's the only way to production.  We can't be afraid of failure or fear or falling on our face.  Besides, who doesn't love a good scar story?  I guess that could depend on the scar, but you know what I mean.  We can, in the least, learn from them. 

So today let's put down our thinking and pick up our doing.  Avoidance is what is going on the shelf, maybe even out in the shed.  The dumpster sounds nice too.  Saturday cleaning as it were.  Just think of one thing that you have been avoiding for a while and do it.  Thinking of all the times I have DONE - and the feeling of accomplishment and the adrenaline rush that accompanies that - is very thrilling and satisfying.  Even if the results are not what you had expected or desired, you are still moving towards your goal of becoming.  It's a process.  Life is a process.  So be gentle and patient with yourself during all of your doing today.

To wrap this post up in a nutshell, because I am heading out the door to the gym - I leave with this last sentiment:

DOn't  quIT

My Last Three Visits With Grandpa

The first of three visits I took him a Frosty.  We sat and talked as he ate it.  Then we walked down the hall to a room where activities are held.  There we played with Legos.  He dozed off and I slipped out.

The second of three visits he couldn't really walk and was in a wheel chair.  We shared a Hersheys chocolate bar together and talked a bit.  I told him several times I was going to BYU to teach.  Then I wheeled him out to the room with the others, and left to go teach.

My last visit was this evening.  He can't talk now, or sit up, or do much of anything.  He did open his eyes a few times - they were fixed on something, or someone.  Maybe several people.  There are a lot of people waiting for him.  I played hymns for him on his fathers old violin.  It was his fathers fathers violin, and is who knows how old.  He really enjoyed the last time I played it.  And I think he enjoyed it this time as well.  All his children were there this evening along with some cousins and siblings of mine. 

I think that may be my last visit with Grandpa.  I haven't been in the presence of someone so close to leaving to the other side of the veil before.  But you can tell and feel it's close.  He's close.

I'll miss him.  He was such a gentleman.  A real gentleman.  Goodnight Grandpa.

A New Blog

I have a new blog - my professional blog.  Woooo.  It's where I will share my life as a landscape designer, educator, artist, and community contributor.   

www.lorienhall.com

Check it out.  And welcome.

This is a "post from my phone" test.

Ready

Set

Post!

Are you a good designer?

Today I was asked if I am a good designer.  I answered in the affirmative, as I was needing to be affirmative in the situation.  But the more I think about that question (which I feel will be looming over me for years now), the more I wonder if I really am.  I mean, I could be like that girl who thinks she is a great singer, and everyone around her tells her she is a great singer, like her family and friends, but when she tries to go big time and audition for American Idol Simon tells her she's wasting her life if she thinks she will ever be able to make it in the entertainment industry.

That girl could be me!  I don't know!

I once read somewhere that successful people do things that other people don't want to do.  So today I asked myself, aside from if I am a good designer or not, if I do things that other people don't want to do.  Getting up early to study, focusing relentlessly while studying, staying late to solve a situation, going the extra mile...all those little details that nobody likes to do really, but that are necessary to achieve a certain level of excellence.  Do I do those?

Not really...

...and that's disappointing to me.

In the design world, you can't be lazy or neglectful, or you get left behind.  And maybe you don't get left behind, but you never rise above and become.  Great design does not reward the slothful.  The design world is all about becoming, breaking through barriers to reach a certain level of understanding.  For me, it's not about prestige or being better than all the other designers - it's about expanding your potential and discovering beyond yourself, which lifts those around you, fellow designers included. 

Good design makes people happy.

I taught this afternoon.  With my train of thought as it was, I asked myself, am I a good teacher?  I don't know.  I have never been evaluated.  I don't know if I am really helping my students understand the material I am supposed to be teaching.  I do know I could do a lot more and teach in a much more effective manner.


I don't know


Am I a good friend?
Am I a good person?



I don't know.


Is it going to snow again tonight?


I don't know.  I hope not.

For April

Okay folks - you are finally getting some light shed on your Visual Media Exercises.  These exercises come from Eric Maisel's Creativity for Life.  This book has been a real eye-opener for understanding the artist and the creative personality.  It's helping me understand myself better and to resolve personal challenges that I have as a creative individual - there are so many times I read a paragraph and think "YES!  That is me!  That happens to me and that is how I feel!  Finally, someone understands me and my emotions... "

The title of this post is "For April" because she might have been the only person to have completed all 4 exercises.  That I know of anyway.  I hope this is as enlightening and revealing of an experience for you (the plural form) as it was for me, and that you all have kept your exercises seeing how it's been so long since I posted the exercises. 

(If you haven't completed the exercises - and want to benefit from the answers - quickly go to the post and finish before reading on, or redo them for a fresh analysis.  I think you will be pleased to have done so.)

Okay.

Here we go.  Here are your answers.  And I am going to get personal here and share my exercises as examples.  So here's to holding nothing back... 

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#1 Close your eyes and fantasize about a chasm.  Design a way of crossing that chasm, imagining that you have every means known (or unknown as yet) at your disposal.  Then open your eyes and draw your solution.

Observe your solution silently.  Note the size of the chasm (the problem) and the inventiveness, efficiency, and safeness of the solution.  If there is a rope bridge across it, is it tied securely?  If the chasm is huge, does that represent how you feel about the problem?  Did you reach the solution with little thought, or did you give it a great deal of consideration?

Observe nonjudgmentally.  See if you can reach new conclusions about crossing this chasm; see if you can come up with new, more varied ways of coping with problems.

I was not extremely creative or inventive while designing a way to get across my chasm...and as you can see, my chasm or problem is not very wide, but it is very deep, and if I fall I will fall a long ways.  Not even a rushing river at the bottom - just dust and pebbles.  I desire a safe and sturdy solution to resolve my problem (whatever that is), one that has a solid base and sides to keep me from falling off.  (Note the metal bands holding the base together, and the very high protection on each side).

I guess I want to feel safe and secure in resolving problems.  If I feel safe and secure, then I can cross any chasm of any depth.  So now I need to discover what makes me feel safe and secure.  Or I need to become more inventive in how I solve my chasms.  

(I can imagine if my brother in law KC did this - he would have a picture of himself flying over his chasm...he's like a superhero or something).

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#2 Fold a large piece of paper into quarters.  Silently draw in the first quarter a symbolic representation of "Where do I come from?"  After a few moments, draw a symbolic representation on the second quarter, "Where do I want to go?"  Next, draw a representation of "What is in my way?"  Finally draw one of "How am I going to overcome my obstacles?"
Look inside yourself and be very honest with each of these questions.  The results are always best when one is honest with oneself.

Grow aware of what you perceive as the obstacles confronting you and of your solutions to overcoming those obstacles.

As you can see from my lovely graphics I came from a place of light, and I want to go to an even greater place of light.  What is in my way?  

Well, it is apparent that cookies and cakes and M&M's are.  I LOVE M&M's - the peanut and peanut butter variety.  They even have a new coconut version out!  But candies and cookies make me sick, which makes me unproductive and unpleasant and that does not lead to progression.  

Also McDonald's is getting in my way.  I LOVE their $.79 burger and fries.  It's my little obsession in life.  And their $.99 sunday with extra fudge gets me every time.  These aren't horrible things - it could be worse, but again - these types of food items give me fuzzy heads and bad moods and then I don't get stuff done.  I need to keep these under control.  

The pillow represents sleep.  Sometimes I have a hard time getting out of bed.  It's hard to grow in life if you are not living life.  And laying in bed too long is again - not productive and won't lead to success.  Those little rocks I drew represent everyday obstacles that I face, that we all face.  Sometimes our days are just hard and a lot of little blocks can get tiresome and annoying. 

How am I going to overcome my obstacles?  As I drew it - I am going to laugh out loud to feel good about life.  I am going to pray for help and look in the mirror and think positive thoughts and say nice things about myself.  I am going to love, and be a strong woman.  Study and exercise will help too.  I figured these items will help me resolve my obstacles which is depicted to the left, and help me get where I want to go, which is depicted directly above.

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#3 Take a fantasy trip with closed eyes.  Walking along a country road with a fishing pole over your shoulder, you come upon a stream.  Cast the line into the water and, after a few moments, reel in what you have caught in your fantasy.  With your eyes open draw what you have caught.  Now write a story about the object at the end of the line (it doesn't have to be long).

In a sense you will be talking about yourself and how you feel about your life at the moment.  How do you see yourself?

 

This is my story.  It is called "Star Catcher"

This star is a special star.  It comes from a certain region of the universe where it learned to laugh; laugh and cry.  Every time it laughs it twinkles and glitters.  And every time it cries, its tears polish itself, making it even shinier and brighter.  


Now how did such a star end up in a pond only to be caught on the end of my fishing line?  Well, it turns out I wasn't fishing in an earthly lake, but a heavenly sky.

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#4 Create two animals on one piece of paper.  They don't have to look like anything you have ever seen.  Take about 10 minutes to do the drawing.  Describe the animals you have drawn.  Write down three adjectives that describe them.  Note the animals' expression.  Can you make up something that the animals might want to say to each other?  Can you write a free verse or fantasy about what the animals say or do?

The second animal often has qualities that contrast to those of the first.  This exercise generally reveals polarities, contrasts, or conflicts within a person; it will show different, sometime opposing facets of personality.  The absence of mouth, for example, suggests difficulty in communicating.  Observe and learn from the fantasy animals you've created.

Well - now that you all know the depths of my soul - here we get even deeper.  I was so surprised to find that I had indeed drawn two completely different characters.  And I was so surprised to find that they both represent me very well.  Ha.

Me. version #1: goofy, gullible, and brilliant.  That is exactly me.  I am goofy.  I am gullible - and I'll admit - I am brilliant.  Lol.  And just look at that guy!  His style reminds me of myself when I was in elementary school - something that is aching to manifest itself again once I have some money to spend on clothing.  He's excited, full of energy and adventure!  He wants to go find a watermelon for crying out loud!  That's great!  I like this version of me.  Even if the gullible side can get a little frustrating for me.

That last sentence lends itself perfectly in observing...

Me, version #2: ignorant, frustrated, teachable.  This guy looks a bit "Eeyorish" in personality.  He probably just had some McDonalds and M&M's.  And what is on his head, I don't know!  But I can be ignorant - oh yes.  It's true.  It may tie into the gullible part of me.  (Which can lead to an overtone on mistrust on my part, unfortunately).  Frustrated.  Yes - I can get that way with so many things in my life and with myself.  BUT - this guy is teachable.  That's redeeming.  Sometimes I feel exactly how he looks and is behaving.

This particular exercise was uncanny for me.  A real treat even - it helped me realize my two opposing sides that yes - I do indeed have.  It helped me see what qualities I enjoy possessing, and helped me recognize some attitudes that I have been carrying that I would like to work on leaving behind.

(Note, they both kind of have big mouths, hmmm...maybe I over-analyze or emphasize communication - or maybe communication is a big deal to me, not necessarily a great thing depending on the situation...)

How did it turn out for you guys?  You don't need to get personal or share specifics like I did - but I am curious if you felt this was as successful for you as I felt it was for me.  I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Thursday Musings

Today is Thursday.

Some of my students just don't listen.

Snow is on the ground,

and having to resort to dollar frozen-dinners and .44 frozen-burritos is not tastefully delightful. 

Rent is due.

I was the lucky host of Peter Lassig this afternoon.  He's very well respected in the garden and design world and is the mastermind behind the gardens at Temple Square.  He's been retired for a while now and is working on a book. (!)  I have been to his house before, to talk Japan and give him photos.  But today he came to MY house.  I was so pleased.  I gave him a tour of chez moi: front room, "office", kitchen, hallway, bedroom, bathroom, then I showed him some of my design work and art work - which he was happy about - which made me happy.

He's a wonderful individual and I am lucky to be his friend.

Thursday used to be my favorite day of the week.  Now it is Wednesday.  Change is good.

But that means I'm feeling the post-favorite-day blues but thank goodness tomorrow is Friday.


Time to call a land surveyor.