foreshadowing of a coin

While I was at Kinkakuji this spring, I was gifted a coin from a Japanese school boy.  If you are given this particular coin, it means you will return to Japan.  Since being back home it has been on my refrigerator door, suspended by a magnate which I picked up during my travels.  I looked at it everyday.

Little did I know that I would be returning so soon.

I leave in less than three weeks.

***

My friend Rose posted THIS on her blog, so I am stealing it and posting it on mine (thanks R).  besides being thrilled with World Order in general and purchasing their album...this video simple makes me more than happy when I watch it, giddy even.  All of the images takes me right back to Japan and I can't wait to be there!  And all the men really walk and dance around the city just like in the video...it's amazing....really....you should see it.  I am excited to dance with them.

101 things about me part 2

1. I love wood floors preferring wide planks over thin ones
2  And I really like black and white checkered flooring.  They remind me of maids and butlers and various types of metals, such as brass, stainless steel, silver and iron...staircases too

3. I really enjoy having fun pajama pants with a simple, soft white or black scoop neck tee to accompany it

4. I love learning, I will never tire of it

5. Travel is important to me; next fall is tentatively Spain, France and Italy

6. I am not a huge fan of cold cereal

7. I am growing out my hair and it's sometimes a nuisance, but I try to appreciate it for where it's currently at

8. I've had scabies, dengue fever and a pretty bad case of staph (Ahem...I was living in Ecuador...then Brazil)

9. I used to not like spring.  But a few years ago I began to learn to appreciate it

10. I like orange and oranges, but green will always be my favorite color

11. In fifth grade I won all the races at field day

12. I really like sushi

13. I have two birthmarks, one on the knuckle of my right thumb, the other on the right side of my waist

14. Ink - I really like a good black ink pen

15. I go to the coast at least once a year.  This year I still haven't been - working on that, but I'll get there

16. Two of my best friends are (or majored in) accountants.  The other two are therapists.  All have proved to be providential

17. I became obsessed with Canada in 6th grade  

18. I have always been keen on Africa

19. But Asia has me currently captured

20. I teach night classes at BYU in the winter

21. A world without butterflies would be not as happy

22. Although I dream of foreign places, I have a goal of soaking in domestic places of history and nature, esp. nature

23. I don't like it when I go to sleep with makeup on

24. The crazy, bizarre colors of aquatics really fascinates me - I could stare at well composed aquariums for hours

25. So if people need to realize that life should not be too conservative, go stare at a well-composed aquarium and open your mind

26. Shooting a paper target on a hay bale with a revolver is fun - and I am a very decent shot

27. I want two weeks without my phone or laptop, please

28. I appreciate quality materials.  Quality trumps quantity

29. When I was angry or frustrated as a child I would find a pencil and break it 

30. Transformers, GI Joe, Micro Machines, Bravestar, Smurfs, Atari - all a part of my childhood

31. I like to have acrylic nails, but during the growing (landscaping) season (May-November) they have proved hard to maintain

32. So in about a month or so, I'll get a set

33. I do like motorcycles - Motor Cross was a favorite Gameboy game when I was 12, that and Rolands Curse
34.  I am going to name my motorcycle butterfly and stick butterfly stickers all over my helmet

35.  Growing up, I always had a lot of guy friends, but they were all like my brothers, so...

36.  It wasn't until I was 21 when I was first kissed...and we broke the couch

37.  Because my kisses are worth a lot, I am quite particular of who gets to enjoy them :)

38.  I like White Collar and Psych (thanks Hulu) - and enjoy the West Wing...Allysha - I need to borrow the first season!

39.  I don't own a TV (thanks Hulu)

40.  Fox news mostly bugs
41.  But I do listen to the Dave Ramsy show

42. I don't buy gum that often, because I am a chain chewer - I can go through a pack in two days or less 

43. But I always have a pack when I fly

44. I have a yellow canary that I call Bird

45. My hair is thick and leans toward coarse, so in the mornings it's all bent about

46. I have never dyed or highlighted my hair

47. I have removed my own cyst, then had to go to the doctor to heal the damage, as I wasn't very neat with my self-surgery
48.  I now have a small hole in my arm due to aforementioned self-surgery

49.  I think if I had to choose between East Coast and West Coast for living - I would choose West Coast...eeehhh....I think.
50.  I like to be in organized spaces
51.  A friend asked me a several months ago what I didn't like about myself physically and character-wise:
52.  Physically I wish my acne and skin problems would finally decide to disappear - I'm almost 30 for cryin' out loud!
53.  Character wise I told her that I wished I was better at not allowing myself to feel broken, un-capable and worthless due to others words and actions - I'm working on it
54.  I heart coastlines - I want to live on or near a coast line and in the spring of 2012 I might just do that - I have a plan
55.  When I was 19 I moved to AZ for the summer and turned 14.  I had a crush on Prince William and memorized all the lyrics to all of the Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Britney Spears, and BB Mack songs while cruising the interstate with my crazy cuz
56.  That same summer I worked for Tosco - and stuck stickers on file folders ALL day ALL summer long for $9 bucks an hour
57.  My senior year I was on drumline - and was given the nickname "Strawberry Tart" by the head drummer...hmmm...
58.  I don't mind spending a lot of $ for: Hair product, skin care product and makeup
59.  I am crazy about jackets and am so excited to go jacket shopping this month!
60.  Even though I am completely enthralled with my profession, I don't want it to be all-consuming...or even mostly-consuming.  How about, just enough consuming to excel and then keep my sanity from there
61.  The only thing that gives me road rage are the RC Willey billboards between SLC and UC and back.  No wonder I don't visit home very often 
62.  My favorite feature about my face was a big freckle on my lower lip.  Then one day the dermatologist cut it off without permission. Dur. Someone find me a pencil
63.  I am definitely a victim of retail therapy
64.  My music collection has always been a frustration to me - it's a project that I am working on for 2011
65.  I used to be obsessed with odd numbers.  I now accept even ones readily
66.  If I were to add color to my hair it would be either some hue of orange or purple...maybe green
67.  I like to take naps in public spaces when I travel
68.  Dancing very silly is something I extremely enjoy, but I have to be with the right company and was just introduced to the best dance music ever
69.  I have been described as an island and aloof.  I recently bought a ticket to the mainland
70.  I wake up facing south
71.  Although I don't live my life by astrology, I find it quite interesting, insightful and sometimes uncannily correct
72.  I go to Oasis Cafe and have a grilled Brie when I am at a loss of so many things
73.  I have spent the night out on the salt flats with a wind so strong that you could practically lean into it liberally without falling over
74.  I love walking places and love to go walking downtown Sunday evenings
75.  Patio dining is so delightful, it makes me giddy and ever-so-pleasant
76.  I am afraid of living in a cage or having my wings clipped
77.  I feel badly or stupid when someone passes me on the right and try to stay conscious of driving in the proper lane
78.  Which is usually the fast lane.  I do not like something in front of me   
79.  If someone or something is in my way, I simply reposition while trying to be mindful
80.  In Junior High I used to spend hours and hours late into the night creating pencil drawings of animals
81.  I believe in using a paddle, the current and the stars to navigate through life
82.  Take the paddle away and you lose your ambition
83.  Take the current away and you lose your touch with reality
84.  Take away the stars and you lose your dreams
85.  I really like giving and getting hugs      

86.  In 6th grade I showed up to the school Christmas party with tags, bows and ribbon tied all over my body
87.  And I wore belts in my hair on occasion
88.  I used to look up at the night sky every night 

89.  Then I moved to the city and I just realized that I don't do it anymore
90.  And that makes me sad to realize.  Looking at the night sky helps keep life in perspective
91.  Bicycles equal happiness
92.  I love boardwalks 
93.  I am not much of a gamer - but I'll join in a game every once in a while
94.  Canned soup is the worst kind of soup you could ever eat
95.  I really do try to be kind, nice, sincere, fair and rational.  I don't always succeed, but I do try
96.  I am a romantic, very much so
97.  I wonder where my next road trip will lead me to.  These things you don't plan, you just do 
98.  I love driving with friends
99.  Someday I think I will be a fair cook - but singleness does not foster continuous culinary output, but rather sporadic experiments and creations that occur periodically.  But they are always tasty
100.  I think if I timed how long it takes me to get ready on average - it may tilt the scale towards...really??  Maybe not.  1-1.5 hours?  (If shower is included - is that average?)
101.  I am a lefty who throws right        

1,290

I just got back from a comedy club downtown.  I laughed so hard that my right trapezoid will need some rubbing out and I'll have to get some waterproof mascara before the next show.

Good way to end the work week - even though I am working tomorrow...

Nutrition Action Newsletter is a publication that is all about health.  My grandmother was very keen on good foods and exercise, so as a Christmas present one year all of us grandkids received a subscription, which we ended up having for two years.  I perused them as the occasion granted itself...sometimes I have a hard time reading through publications that come in the mail.  Lots of interesting facts about broccoli, burgers, bones and bedtime.

One day one of the articles caught my eye:

"Baskin-Robbins strongly believes in our customers maintaining a balanced diet," says the company's Web site. "We hope you enjoy our treats together with a healthy diet and routine exercise."

How nice. Baskin-Robbins strongly believes in a balanced diet. That must be why it sells Oreo, Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough and Snickers premium sundaes along with a new line of 31 [degrees] Belows. What better way to balance a healthy diet and ex Take the Oreo Premium Sundae.

Thanks to "3 scoops of our delicious Oreo Cookies 'n Cream ice cream layered with hot fudge and marshmallow, then topped with crushed Oreo cookie and whipped cream," it's got 1,290 calories and 33 grams of saturated fat. That's like eating three Quarter Pounders, except the burgers have "only" 21 grams of sat fat.
 

It was accompanied by this picture:

Soon an Oreo Premium Sundae was in my possession and I was happily and quickly consuming my 1,290 calories. 


And that's the power of advertising.

in the Morning

The day is just beginning.  I can see small hints of a muted grey-blue sky out my windows.  Sun's not up yet. 

I like being up before the sun.

I feel fall in me.  I feel of it's richness and depth - it's great joy, and sometimes strange pain.  Somedays, as I am driving up and down Parley's, I have been so overwhelmed by the beauty of the canyon that I have started to cry.

Fall time encourages thoughts and feelings of home.  I am not speaking of where I grew up - but rather, the place I long to be.  I love where I live - L Street.  It's the most home I have ever felt in a place since leaving home over 10 years ago and moving over 30 times.  I am happy with L Street.  Gloria helps this place feel like home.  Sometimes in the evenings, when I am in my bathroom, I can hear jazz music coming from her kitchen through the vents in the floor and it always puts a smile on my face.  I feel like I live in New York City or Chicago - you know - those apartments where you have the downstairs neighbor who plays jazz in the evenings.  Also - when Gloria is referring to the house, she calls it "our" house.  And it melts my heart to hear that I belong here.  I have a garage where I can park my car.  A cellar where I can store my things, a washer and dryer for my dirty clothes and a big front porch..

But at the age of 29, what I own by way of furnishings, is very basic.  An old couch, a newer chair, a side table with a great lamp that casts a warm glow.  My sisters rug, a cheap cupboard/table thing and a small kitchen table with four chairs that I got from my other sister, who got it from my other sister.  Along with a drafting table and some small, short shelves for some books - that pretty much covers it.  Oh - I have a bed with a nightstand.  I do have that too!   

I am content with my belongings.  They fill the rooms adequately and appropriately.  But the other day I was in my space, and feeling fall, I felt how much home I am lacking.  It's the details that make the difference, and it's the details I do not have.  I have been cautious about bringing items into my apartment.  I have thought I wanted to take the minimalists approach and have nothing but the bare necessities, with maybe one or two paintings on the wall - you know...uber modern.  Maybe that's my excuse for a design scheme because that's all I can do right now - minus the painting.  As I thought of what this space should be, but is not, I felt very empty inside and started to cry.  (so I cry these days!)   

Dark wood, floor to ceiling bookshelves filled with dog-eared books of all genres.  Pictures on the walls and tables in various frames capturing various moments of life and friends.  A big handmade multi-colored afghan folded over the couch. Maybe a TV on a small TV stand somewhere.  A funky rug that is my own.  Artwork.  Side/end tables that don't match.  Mugs that were picked up on various trips.  A neat sculpture found at a flea-market.  A mirror with a really random ornate frame. And old record player for your vinyl.  A small box that was a gift, filled with spare change.   The scent of apples and cinnamon subtly suspended.  A friend sitting on the couch, listening to music while drinking hot cocoa in aforementioned mugs, and talking about random stuff while flipping through the pages of a magazine that came from the magazine rack.  Wabi-sabi; the comfort of time, imperfection and familiarity.

Details make a house feel lived in.  Time makes a house feel lived in.  They show that you live life, experience life - and that's what I am lacking.  The details you can't force - they come to you as they will, but you have to be open to them.  I am not talking about clutter either.  I abhor clutter - and do have some of that, but it's very little and I keep it under good control.  I am just talking about life, being surrounded by life.  

*****

When I woke this morning, I woke in pain.  From the top of my head to the tip of my toes.  All in pain.  I got up and took some medicine and came back to bed with my computer.  Now I am going back to sleep.

What Would You Title It

Monday Musings

Today I quit my day job and became an artist.

Last fall I heard the song "Resistance" by Muse.  I am a sucker for introductions and this song has a great one.  So I listened to it.  Many times.  Then I decided to create an artwork for the song.  And a year later I finished it.  YouTube It

I think I'll ask for my job back tomorrow.

I am a continual work in progress

as we all are.  and will always be.


although sometimes, especially as of late, I feel like I am a continual work in regress, and soon the threads of the canvas will be so unraveled I won't even feel human anymore.

I used to not talk much - by way of offering my thoughts and opinions.  I think it may have been because I was scared if I had any opinions or thoughts, they would be wrong, and I didn't want to embarrass myself or make me a fool in front of others - but mostly I was afraid of wrong.  So I kept very quiet and remained somewhat opinion-less cause sometimes, it was just easier that way.

one day I got a real job at a real landscape architecture firm.  here I became known as the E.F. Hutton of the group..."when E.F. Hutton talks, people listen."  I don't think it was because what I said was so wise and profound, but rather, they so rarely heard my opinion, that when I did give it - people did listen because they were in such shock that I was speaking up. 

then I left my job and started my own landscape design business.

now I had to talk.  and that talking had to revolve around my opinions and ideas, which, all of the sudden I was expected to give if I expected to survive.  now, if I would have chosen to be a storyteller or an actress as a profession, I could have gotten around it all..."here, just read this..."

the past three.five years has been a steep and sometimes sharp learning curve for me as I have had to learn how to talk, communicate and give my opinions.  I have had to overcome the unhealthy fear of 'being wrong' and have had to learn what my opinions were and are...and then had to learn to modify them time and time again because sometimes, you just don't know what your opinions are until you start talking about them, hearing others, and have lots of experience.

so I have learned a lot about talking and communicating.  A LOT.  still learning... almost as if it's been a foreign language for the past 29 years.  And with all of this learning has come lots of mistakes...more off-key notes than on.  Sometimes sharp, sometimes flat.  And at the end of each experience, be it a blunder or a success - I do try to learn from it and not hit the same wrong note twice (yeah right).  all of the above has been written using the past tense - but really, this is what I am currently in the middle of.  and I think we all are, but instead of being at level 29, I am at the lovely level 14, or 17...a rough and trying level.   

and lately I feel like I have been hitting a lot of wrong notes.  my only hope is that this instrumental parallel holds true to the fact that you can't ever play or perform flawlessly or accomplished, until and unless you have played imperfectly and as an amateur.  how many years do parents endure of their children making a raucous, rather than music?  they all do.  how many children want to quit because they don't believe they'll ever get past making a raucous, and it will always be a tedious and frustrating challenge, not to mention sometimes boring?  they all do.  i hope.  and then once you have mastered the level 1 and 2 stuff, you get to feel like a fool all over again as you play at more advanced levels 3 and 4...and the cycle of mistakes and accomplishment repeats itself all the way up to whatever level you're willing to take it to...

Phew.

A few things I am learning on this rocky road of talking and communicating:

I am learning (the hard way)...

*****
to not be scared of wrong
to accept doing wrong as I do, - and then gracefully, learn from it, fix it and become better and do right 
letting go of perfectionism without losing integrity
that perfectionism is a kind of self-centeredness
perfectionism and being my best are not the same thing
perfectionism is focused on self, being my best self is focused on something outside of self
many times I come to the best conclusions by talking out loud all the stupid ideas first
to not be afraid of my ideas
to not be afraid to talk 
to rationally stand up for myself, my thoughts and opinions
be willing to listen and the modify my thoughts and opinions as needs be
don't self-sacrifice at the expense for something of a lesser value
to always be kind
show and feel respect to all, indifferent of their station in life
be honest
be sincere 
be punctual
have a sense of humor
mean what you say - follow through
don't judge
don't take personal offense
don't criticize
be mindful of how you react to situations, especially stressful ones
don't talk about others negatively, a.k.a. gossip
remember to breath
don't jump to conclusions
sometime I wish texting wasn't the medium for certain types of conversations, it can easily go awry
don't assume
have confidence in myself
smile
learn to laugh out loud
be wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove
forgive openly, readily and sincerely and hope that others forgive me

*****

Sat down to post.  Trying to post.  Have started and started again.  Nothing is sticking...


So I'll just post this:

I've starting looking for the perfect leather jacket.

Blogging

I was out with a friend yesterday evening.  We were talking about bucket lists.  Of course, places to see and experience were on the forefront of that conversation.  I then asked if he had anything on his bucket list that was not a geographical location. Building a website was his answer - but he wasn't sure what it would be for or be about - and then made some comment how he's not a "blogger"... that he's not vain like that.

LOL.

I didn't say anything...about blogs or blogging, or that I have one and in the past have used it.  A lot.

I didn't tell him I was vain.  I think I should have.

What is on my bucket list that is not a geographical location??  A book.  I want to write a book.  About what.  I don't know - I write best from experiences, my experiences... (kind of like my blog), it must be woven and entwined within me for me to be able to write with any conviction or real feeling.  So as the minutes and hours pass I occasionally think about writing a book.  And this isn't new.  I actually tried starting one about 5 or 6 years ago, as I was encouraged by my dear friend Steven K - he still asks me about it, but it never made it past the napkin that came with the complimentary ginger ale on my way home from New York.

I actually do wrestle on and off about writing and blogging/writing about myself or my life as I experience it.  I wonder why I write, and if I should write and who cares to read about my life or thoughts anyways.  Is it indeed a selfish, and self-centered hobby to have?  But, then I think about all the books and stories and writings that I love to read - I love to read about others' lives.  I love to know what they are experiencing and feeling and thinking because then I don't feel so alone in my own thoughts.

"We read to know we're not alone."

And so maybe we write, so others know they're not alone.

A note from a visitor

I haven't really written in a while...I have posted, but not written - and my posting has been pathetic at that. But today I received a comment on my blog:

I enjoy your writing. Just happen to come across you under "Next Blog" and I have never made a comment before to an unknown blogger, so, here goes. I enjoyed your "100 Things About Me" and as a title for your painting, um, "Chicken in a Sombrero Driving Armored Car?" Yeah, I'm from the midwest.

Wow - I am very flattered.   Maybe I should start composing and posting writings again.  Maybe that would be an okay thing.  Oh - and I absolutely LOVE the title for my painting: Chicken in a Sombrero Driving Armored Car.  Yep.

August arrives

I have nothing particular I would like to think about, discuss, or share at this time.  But maybe rambling on a bit will free up some space in my head.

Probably the most exciting thing happening at this moment is that I am getting the city library's WiFi signal while sitting on a bench in the gravel courtyard just east of the building.  I thought for sure I was too far away for free internet access....which is making the posting of this blog doable.

It's a nice courtyard/terrace where I sit, but I think I would have arranged the center line of trees differently.  It's just a tad uncomfortable to have the benches and the trees arranged as they are.  But just a tad.

Since August has arrived, I have been loving the weather.  The air has shifted which is showing a different side of the weather patterns personality and character.  A side which I get along with quite well for the most part.

Bells are tolling.  Pigeons are walking and cooing as pigeons do.  And sometimes, more than I would like, I am a blubbering fool.
  

Bells toll again  - it is 6 o'clock.  6 o'clock and all is well. 

I am hungry.  Time for food.